Private economy

For a while now I have been drawn to writing another blog post. This time I sought to relate it to why my inspiration had been missing for quite a few months now. Through various issues I discovered that I was suffering from some symptoms of stress. My imagination was stiffled, making it hard to focus on doing what I had to do. Now my life is by no means stressful in comparison to normality, however, I because I have gone through so many different perspectives on how to earn my daily bread, I am beginning to tire. Fear of never finding a commercial passion, or actually just any type of passion, threatens my survival and this is stressful.

Whether good or bad I am extremely poor at subscribing to temporary solutions. If I know that a job or an education will not be relevant or interesting to me at a later point, I feel like quitting and that feeling can sometimes take hold of whatever chance it had of growing. Now I have no doubt that this is somehow related to classical psychological issues of fear causing people to quit. I could most likely read up on it and discover that I am quite similar to other people who have experienced this issue and have solved it somehow. Either on their own or therapeutically, but this is where a major complication arises.

Because I am a firm believer that this capitalistic monetarily based system is unsustainable I instantly discredit such psychological findings as they seem relevant only to the people interested in conforming to this system. I see this as one of many symptoms that the system is trying to do patch work on its short comings rather than self-examining to discover the unrecoverable situation and initiate a proper solution. Personally I have no interest in conforming, which is why it is so hard for me, as it seems to cost bits and pieces of my integrity every time I do. I find myself saying one thing and doing another.

This economic terrorism is so subtle that it seems ridiculous to even call it that. But that is what it is. Perhaps I will return to this issue at a later point. I should.